I returned home 5 days ago. I cannot believe how depressed I am. I knew that it was going to be difficult once I returned home. I just never realized how difficult. I truly feel as though a part of me is missing. I know I left part of my heart as well as my soul, in Venezia. I waited for so long to get there and it seems as though it was over before it even began. It was just a blip on the radar. It already seems so long ago. How can it be over so quickly? Did I really go? It seems so distant. Yes, I have photos that tell me I was there. Yes, I feel a murmur that is the peace and tranquility that I felt while I was there. However it seems so deep down inside of me, that I am having a great deal of difficulty bringing it to the surface to recapture the moments.
Venezia, where are you? Are you still with me? Did you abandon me?
Perhaps you are supposed to stay buried? Perhaps you are meant to flourish and enrich over time? Perhaps you are meant to become more vivid with each passing day? Perhaps you are meant to take each frame as it passes through my memory and emblaze it upon my heart? Perhaps you are to become more nuanced with time? Perhaps you are so deep within my soul so you can never ever escape. Yet are ready to be called upon when I really need you? I don’t know. I just know that right now? I feel empty in so many ways. I feel alone. I feel sad. And yet?
I feel happiness. I feel tranquility. I feel excitement. I feel joy. I feel wonderment. I am awestruck. I feel serenity. I feel calmness.
I feel the happiness when I recall walking down an empty Calle and the smile that came across my face. I feel the tranquility when I remember throwing open my windows in the morning to the quiet canal below. I feel the absolute excitement, joy and wonderment riding the Vaporetto down the Grand Canal for the very first time. I feel the awe as we came around a corner on a Gondola no less! onto the Venetian Lagoon, seeing Basilica di Santa Maria della Salute in all her glory. I feel the serenity as the bright sun shines down between a narrow passageway. I feel the calmness that came over me the first time I walked alone, lost in my thoughts and emotions, down Lunga de San Barnaba.
Yes, Venezia, you are there! Elusive as ever, always the Temptress! Why did I doubt you? You are there where I need you to be. Safely tucked away deep within me. Encompassing my entire being. Ready to nurture when I need nurturing. Ready to afford me exquisite euphoria in each passing glimpse.
No one can ever take you away from me. No One. Not Ever.